Hey family! Happy Thanksgiving!
I forgot it was
Thanksgiving yesterday until the mtc president was like ready to eat
some turkey? The cooks made actual mashed potatoes and turkey and even
some pie that tasted somewhat like play-do! And the president gave the
longest thanksgiving prayer i have ever heard in my life. but maybe it
seemed longer since i only could understand a word here or there haha.
Anyway, things have changed a lot in the last couple
of weeks. The first group of latinos i knew left (they only come to the
mtc for 2 weeks) along with the north americans who had been here
longer. i was extremely sad to see a lot of them go because we had
become friends over the couple of weeks i had lived in the same hall as
them. then we got about 6 new north american elders and one new sister,
hermana judd. it has been pretty lonely. at first the new latinas who
came in were extremely shy, and we just kept to ourselves, but i had
finally had enough and broke the ice one night when we were all getting
ready for bed and asked them in spanglish to teach me their
countries´dances (if i know one thing in this life, its that the fastest
way to a latin american´s or african´s heart is to ask them to dance
with you). we were soon rolling in laughter as they showed me different
folk dances and i told the cute little venezuelan sister "despacio por
favor!!" (venezuelans talk SO FAST, luckily bolivians are some of the
slower talkers) and when she also showed her crazy step dance i said
something like "en venezuela todos rapido, bailar, hablando, etc" (in
venezuela everything is fast, the dance, the talking..) and people got a
KICK out of that. Ever since then they are always calling out hermana
Bingg um!! and trying to talk to me while i nod my head and pretend to
understand, or counting to three and saying TING! while i burst out in
the biggest smile i can muster, because i taught them that when we had
to take a photo. it is going to be something else when i get my first
latina companion this coming wednesday...
So unfortunately, my compañera went home yesterday.
The president had me stay with her (as i expected) when we got our
fourth companion, and we all hoped that she would have a change of
heart. maybe i should have had more faith, but i knew from the first
week that she would eventually go home. she was very set on it, and
closed herself off each time spiritual experiences were presented.
however, i felt empathy for her, because i know how it is to struggle to
let those feelings in, to feel skeptical and pressured, and to approach
the gospel with critical, worldly eyes. this is how i used to be, and
even now i work each day to allow myself to feel and see with the lord´s
power. so, i was able to become closer to hermana metcalf before she
left, and i can´t really judge her at all, although i wish she could
have softened a little. but she made me appreciate parents who have
always emphasized that i must have a testimony based on my own
revelation, and not just a mormon label depending solely on my parents´
beliefs.
Anyway it was difficult to watch my companion go
through some of the things she did. Maestra Mendivelso, who becomes more
and more a hero in my eyes every day, is so extremely brave and
powerful all the time. She has been acting as one of our "fake"
investigators, and she is so good at it that i literally feel like her
character Katy is literally a separate person from her. at one point
when my companion and i were trying to teach her how she could know for
herself that the book of mormon is true, my companion could not talk,
and almost cried because she did not feel like she could genuinely share
such a message. it was a tense moment, and i had to take it from there.
Then, a couple days later, in class we had a teaching demonstration.
Mendivelso will choose one of us to be the investigator and then teaches
us. She had my companion come to the front, and did not give her a
story background, just asked her to be herself. Mendivelso then
powerfully testified to her about the spirit and the book of mormon, and
since i knew that this "demonstration" was actually real, i started
crying. i could just see my companion resisting the spirit, and i knew
she was in anguish because she does not think that she can know these
things. i was so floored by Mendivelso though, she is incredible. When
my companion left, mendivelso told me "she knows, she knows", just deep
inside. i hope everything turns out okay for Hermana Metcalf now that
she is home.
So now i am in a trio once again. things are better
because hermana metcalf never wanted to do anything spiritual or be
serious about planning lessons. my other two companions are much more
willing to try to improve our spanish and have the spirit. i need this
as i have been frustrated in the last week feeling that my progress had
really slowed, partially because of my companion issues, but also
because we had all as a district hit that spot of exhaustion where it is
just so hard to stay motivated to keep learning more spanish. it has
been REALLY difficult to make ourselves try to speak spanish as well,
outside of class. i know i personally need to work on that a lot. it is
so intimidating when i know so little, and the latinos talk so fast,
plus cannot understand our accents.
the new hermana is super good at spanish because her whole family
speaks spanish and she had four years before. so that is cool, she has
taught me a lot. she did bug me at first because she made some really
negative comments about latinos, saying that she did not want to hand in
her electronics like we are supposed to because apparently our latin
teachers have a propensity to steal them and that our temples never
needed to have locks in the dressing rooms until we started converting
latinos. you all know me, and obviously i could barely respond.
americans can really be so appalling. it made me feel sick that someone
who is going into another country to teach people that they are equal
children of god and that we love them and believe in being christlike in
our actions words and attitudes could harbor such racist attitudes that
completely generalized a people, and i have heard a few other similar
comments here as well. well, i have just bit my tongue and just known
that we all are working on things, and that we must be unified in order
to really serve others with the spirit, so for now i just let that
slide. she also said some questionable things about black people, and i
let that slide as well to an extent. ha.
Anyway, besides that, i have had some other great
experiences here. One day some of the lil elders in my district gave me a
blessing along with one of the other girls and i felt so blessed to be
among young men who are truly trying to be valiant and make their lives
stand for something so much higher than what is presented to us so much
in this world. Also, i love the scriptures more and more, i cant believe
i did not utilize them the way i should have before, it would have
prevented me a lot of pain and confusion. i love the way the book of
mormon makes clear the loving nature of god and jesus, how it repeats
its message, the main doctrine of christ and also the missionary purpose
over and over again -faith repentance baptism and enduring to the end,
and even more i think PERSONAL REVELATION. I feel blessed when i think
that i am sharing a bold, bold message that can only be proven to
oneself through oneself, when you use your agency to ask directly of
God. it is such a unique option that we present people with and
inherently values their worth and identity as a true heir to the lord.
Also, mendivelso is a literal scriptorian. she knows the BOM like the
back of her hand in spanish and english, i cant believe it.
Anyway, i am out of time. Our next Pday is Tuesday,
so then i will have more time for individual replies. but i just wanted
to give somewhat of an update.
love you all! Thanks for the support. i am trying to be what God tells me i can be.
Love, Cass
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