2-24-14
Dear Family and Friends,
This
week has been a little long because we haven´t been able to find a lot
of new investigadores, however it has still been great to teach those we
do have. We are teaching a family now who will be baptized as soon as
the parents can get their wedding papers figured out. This family is
such an example to me. They are so poor that the parents sleep on the
floor, and their 3 children share one bed. When the mom tried to do her
paper work for her marriage, she first could not afford it (less than
$10) and also she has no identification because she was an orphan
growing up. she tried and tried and her and her daughter had to sleep in
the street early one morning after she was trying to figure things out.
I am so grateful for demonstrations of faith like this to bless my own
testimony. It is truly incredible.
Also, mostly for my parents, I wont be able to access the
internet at all for the next two weeks, because for Carnival we have to
stay in our house for 4 days, we can´t even leave for Church haha.
because there will be crazy people in the streets drinking and throwing
stuff. so next monday, no letter, but the monday after, yes. Also, if
you have read anything about flooding in Bolivia, my area is fine. there
was some craziness for the elders in Trinidad, but besides that we are
doing great.
Okay, this letter is going to be a very "Cassie" letter so
bear with me. I thought i would write about some of my insights because
of my mission, how my testimony is developing, and why my sincere desire
to share is continually stronger.
First of all (now its going to get abstract and Cassie-ish)
sometimes it is difficult to keep in mind the immensity of what i am
trying to do right now. and it is interesting the ways in which i can be
reminded. For example, sometimes i am just walking in the filthy
street, tired, hot, and maybe not really thinking. And suddenly i look
up and notice above the constant noise of motorbikes and honking and
above the crumbling buildings, the clouds - with lights and colors on
them from the sun setting somewhere i cant see, and the beauty and peace
is such a contrast and i am caught up in wonder for a minute. because i
remember that i am not just living in a fake town in a little pop-up
book or something, but i am on Earth, the same Earth with the US and
Africa and Europe, and countless people going about their days, my mom
maybe on a run, my dad maybe at work, and i am here walking the same 20
dirty streets each day in Montero. But every single one of us no matter
how we are filling our days are of the same value and importance, and i
am here because i love love love the people where ever they are in this
incredibly varied earth. And I know that my message is and will be
important for them whether they can accept that now or will inevitably
accept it in the future because it is unchangeable truth. and all of
this is in that feeling i get when i finally just look up, am startled
by the clouds that remind me of the magnificance of a world where any
one else can look up and see the exact same view as me, and then we
eventually put out heads back down and everything about us goes back to
being different. I guess my goal here is to help myself in order to help
others to look up more often, up towards our Creator and remember why
we are all so similar and why our goals can be the same.
It is incredible that we are so different, but so so the same. our
differences are infinite, an infinite combination of spiritual
elements, physical elements, environmental elements. But it is because
of these differences that we all need the same thing in order to make
just the inequity of life on earth with all its variances - an infinite
atonement. I love reading about the laws of existence in 2 Nefi 2, about
the necessity for opposition because this allows for reality (this can
be understood as simply as cold does not exist without hot and vice
versa) and that since reality is conditional upon opposition, reality
also requires eternal laws in order to create order (because the
opposite of order is chaos, chaos is devoid of meaning, and the simplest
of our human emotions can convince us that our existence is full of
meaning). So when you accept the reality of laws of justice, and the
obvious fact that because of the conditions we live in here on earth
with infinite variances and influences for good and bad, it is quite
simple to accept the reality of a necessity of some sort of saving act,
to satisfy law and make infinite injustices just in the end.
And of course this act is the Infinite Atonement of our Savior
Jesus Christ. We know from Alma that the Atonement not only covers sins,
but pain, sickness, temptations, afflictions - all forms of inequality,
injustice, sadness. When i think of my major times of pain as well as
my daily stupid frustrations, my large errors as well as my daily
faults, it seems an Atonement for me alone would need to be infinite.
But then to multiply myself by billions, or maybe by an infinite number
depending on if the Atonement is an infinite act for numberless worlds.
Sometimes the perfection and infinity of Christ is so overwhelming
to think about, that he becomes abstract, instead of a living,
breathing fellow Son of God. For me sometimes it becomes so abstract
that it is hard to remember the Atonement as an act of perfect love in
action, instead of just a word we use. But One day recently I thought
about if i would be willing to atone. And its not the same question as
"would you die for a friend?" because of course i would do this in a
heart beat. But to atone - even for one person - taking on every
conceivable horror mental physical spiritual. No i would not be willing.
But then even more, I think we often dont think about the prerequisite
to atone - utter perfection. We think of perfection as in Christ is
Perfect, but do we really think about what perfection is? We believe in a
Gospel of process and progression. In order to become perfect one must
go through a process of Consecration. This signifies that one must
completely give over his will to God in perfect love for God and for
others. Christ´s whole essence is energy exerted outward, he wants only
for others, He can "do nothing of himself" only the will of the father.
He is living and breathing self-denial and submissiveness and this is
his exaltation. when i think of the word exaltation or glorification in
heaven its like being a royal or something, with everything I want and
resting from care. But really the exaltation and glory of Christ is
complying with his Father´s will, and His will is always whatever it
takes to benefit his children. So if i ask myself the question again -
would i be willing to atone? (and if i am really being honest with
myself) no. but more than that am i even willing to do what it takes to
become qualified to atone. and my answer is a big resounding no. I want
to be willing in the spirit of my testimony of God, but my body mind and
natural essence fights my willingness to give over my whole and
complete will to God every day. every day this is a struggle. because it
takes the greatest of faith to honestly and truthfully trust that if we
are completely swallowed up in the will of the father - which requires
self denial, the opposite of our nature as natural men - that if we
completely lose ourself we will in reality find ourself and find perfect
love. Right now i am still working on the faith and courage to do this
in the smallest parts of my life.
This thought process allows me to see a tiny glimpse of the pure
powerful perfect love behind the Atonement, and that defines Jesus
Christ.
The talk that made me cross the point
of no return in my decision to go on a mission is one that my dear
friend Paige sent me while she was on her mission. Swallowed Up in the
Will of the Father by Neil A Maxwell. Everyone should read it because it
is so beautiful, and has helped me understand with much more clarity
what it means to keep my covenants as a member of the Church of Jesus
Christ.
I have more to say, but i am out of time, so until next time. I love you all and have a testimony of my Saviour Jesus Christ.
Love, Hermana Bingham
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